God

Last night I listened to an address about God and forgiveness and how God doesn't get thanked by most people because they are too busy expecting to be told off. I began thinking about who or what is my God and where they are for me. I was brought up in the Church of England, I started school at 4 years old and I remember being surprised that we didn't kneel down and put our hands together for prayers in assembly. I still say the Lords prayer every night even though my belief system has changed over the years. I did not find a God I could feel around me, or one I could connect with. I went to Sunday school he was not there, I went to confirmation classes and asked about ghosts and reincarnation and did not like the answers but went ahead, he was not in the bread and wine, he was not there on my wedding day, he wasn't there at funerals or in the churches and services of other religions or at least not in a way I was looking for. I turned to paganism. I found it easier to connect to a sun god a moon goddess, mother earth and to my ancestors. It makes sense to me to connect to the divine through tangible things. I like looking at things ancient man would have seen and known just as we do so in the sun the stars the moon and the weather I find the divine. I look at the sunset or a flower or insect and appreciate the perfection with which they are designed or the beautiful colours and the delicacy of leaf or wing. It is in them I find the creator. In silence there is the universal consciousness and our spirit guides. In them all is love. My God has many faces and many facets, my God is also my goddess although my goddess is not God. My God is that connection between me and the times past, known and unknown and the times still to come, the divine, the creator and the live of God are within me. That is why I couldn't find it, I was looking in the wrong place.